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Hang On A Minute, Lads. I`Ve Got A Great Ikea. This Is The Self-Preservation Society !!.

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Please imagine the red mini one 7 speeding round the tight S bend, wheels and breaks screeching, no this is not the closing sequence of the Italian job on the tight roads of the mountain pass in the Italian/Swiss alps but Munka on his way the Warrington & in particular Ikea to purchase the Chrome Kettle that has the power not only to boil water but save his relation-boat. Now no BOAD or for that matter man knows why Chrome Kettles, Ikea and GHD hair straightners are so important to the species that can problem solve & multi task but I’m guessing anyone over 30 yrs old should have realised by now that they are and that is that.

 “hehe ………. what is it about chrome kettles ………… that was the first thing we “needed” when we moved to Russell drive!!†Now this is a quote from GP please note his clever use of the word “Neededâ€
I own a kettle already I bet they had two the day they moved but for some reason this mystical appliance is required to strengthen the bond between x & y.
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Now Ikea is slightly easier to explain as Biff so beautifully puts it
“Hehe……iy-iy-iy-iy-iy…kea!
‘ve done that trip once…….it basically a big warehouse full of furniture, chipper toots and blokes with long faces….good luck!â€
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I have this image in my head of standing lost in this huge land of Tupperware, soft furnishings and self assembly flat pack furniture do’h clicking my red Addibok classics together saying there’s no place like Chrome!  Â
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My final question? GHD Stylers, of the lads who’s toot used these how many times have you got to the front door ready for a night owt and she’s made you go all the way up stairs to check that she turned them off ? I’m guessing a lot for a hundred pund plus a pair I’d expect the bloody things to turn them selves off !
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Anywho I’m looking forward to cohabiting and of the Boad that already do I ‘d say their all doing ok, I started with a Michael Caine Movie so it would only be right to end with one, this is the tag line I think it sums up the Boad nicely ….
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“Nice guys finish last. Meet the winners†Â
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
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Ps for those that need it! hehehe
Australia House
15 Harwood Road
London, England
SW6 4QP
United Kingdom

`But Still You’ll Never Get It Right, Cos When You`Re Laid In Bed At Night, Watching Roaches Climb The Wall,….`

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On 14th of July my goodself and Mrs. Munka said véale más adelante to the lads and headed off for 2 wks R&R, (that’s rest and relaxation not Russian Vodka and Red bull by the way!)

Due to renovations @ Mcr Int airport the Donkey Bar was closed do’h! so in true BOAD style I hit the duty free for a squirt of free pulling juice, now being boad and it being free I had a doubly long blast of the good stuff only to find to my horror I’d picked up the toot stuff not the blokes and therefore had to spend four and a half hrs on the flight smelling like a greedies bedroom do’h.

anywho we arrived at the Monte Paraiso apts in Puerto Rico @ around 3:30am after a fairly uneventful flight other than me waking up to find the stewardess reaching between my legs and Mrs. Munka frowning in annoyance, now before anyone thinks I’d followed Swany into the mile high club it turns out she was only collecting the rubbish or at least that was my explanation. Anywho !!!!
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From our first day it became clear that getting a sun lounge near the pool was going to be difficult due to the old German tradition of towel laying anywho Mrs. Munka being a toot and therefore able to multi task and problem solved soon came up with a brilliant solution to the problem as Matty would say a little effort maximum return the answer was simple she made me get up at 8:30 am every morning and put our towels down !!! no word of a lie either one day at 8:15am I counted 20 towel already in place which had not been there @ 3am when I’d arrived home from a neet owt. Â
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Now there isn’t much to say about lying by the pool drinking beer other than our hotel was mainly Spaniards and these toots like to wear bikini’s that resembled dental floss !!!!
I did also notice some potential BOAD behaviour from these young lads, basically they were trying to pull this 16 yr old essex toot she asked this guy how old he was and he said 11 she just walked. The next day his twin brother tries it on with her and claims to be 15 brilliant.
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As you’d expect when not by the pool drinking beer I was in a bar err drinking beer, this one spot took your photo and within ten minute it was being displayed on a tv slideshow, anyway we went in this bar most nights and our pic was displayed each night with a slightly better tan than the last after a few nights I noticed that this one toot also kept appearing only every night with a new bloke hehehe living the dream!
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Our apartment was mint we had only one problem and that came in the shape of a armadillo sized cockroach now this little or should I say not so little fcuker was sitting on our bedroom ceiling just above where Linz slept so there was no way she could sleep and so by default I couldn’t sleep either until our unwanted guest had vacated the premises!  Only problem was even standing on a chair I couldn’t reach it do’h. in a scene reminiscent of the one in pulp fiction were Butch Coolidge (Bruce Wllis) has escaped from Zed and picks up first the hammer then the baseball bat then a chain saw before finally choosing the samurai sword as his weapon of choice I went through a number of objects starting with a rolled up news paper, then a bin lid followed by a wooden spoon finally choosing a Addibok deck shoe (Flip flop to the rest of us!)
I was balanced precariously on a table top when with lighting reflexes (ie faster than JC picking up a dropped pund coin)  I mullered this thing that now resembled a komodo Dragon Linz who was hiding in the bathroom popped her head out and I said Zed’s dead baby Zed’s dead… she just looked at me like I was a gyff and said do cockroaches scream like little girl when they die or was that you?.DO’H
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My only other battle all holiday was a war of words with a Looky looky Man (LLM) who was trying to sell me stuff.
As with three games of air hockey and one round of mini golf I also lost this encounter too.

LLM Do you want to buy some sunglasses?

Munka No I go home tomorrow

LLM You not get sun back home?  where you from?

Munka Engerland

LLM Oh right no you don’t
LLM So you want to buy a watch?
Munka No I already have one! showing him my un stilo

Now Linz was stood with me and this is where I feel I lost the war of words he said

Why not buy your daughter one then!?â€

DOH!

There are a few other stories but they include dolphins and that’ll only set me off on a rant ….

Basically it was a top holiday probably more of a couples resort than one for the lads.

oh Linz fully entered into the spirt of P.D.F.N.A not only drinking shooters called cockroaches (what else) but she also swapped a apple sourz for a straight up Tequila !!!!!

Quote / unquote

taken from Rigged by Ben Mazrich author of 21

an old trader once said you can have a plan in this industry but like mike Tyson put it everyone’s got a plan until your punched in the face!

Munka & Linz talking about rounds

Munka “So what would happen if I refused to get my round in?”

Linz ”You’d get thursty!”

So with my two week detox over it’s time for Old new old new new BOAD neet so  i guess I’ll watch my life slide out of view, and dance and drink and screw
Because there’s nothing else to do. !!!!!

 

foot note: it’s now Friday last night got messy – chilli shots – a band -garyoke !!!! but all thats another story! 7 hrs to F.N.A and counting ……