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Drinking 9 – 5, What A Way To Mame Your Liver

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Just a quiet night…..That’s all it was meant to be….. Best laid plans of mice and men etc…..
Last night was penciled in for another BOAD – WHOP meet up.

Gotta say that they are becoming more and more of a regular occurrence now.

Not a bad thing at all, we always have a top night together.

It’s almost like the BOAD’s and Whops were split at birth…..same humour, pretty similar drinking abilities and the same “feck it” attitude….. All the ingredients for a top laugh…..

Unfortunately the majority of the BOAD dipped last night due to pre arranged engagements…..i.e. most of them weren’t allowed out on a school night…..  So it was left to my good self and Big A to fly the BOAD flag…..

We met up with the Whops (Uber Whop, Miss Whop and of course, the zany Mini Whop) at their local Drinking den for the start up drinks. Once we were all there we chinned our drinks and the Question “Where we going next” was raised, to which Miss Whop answered “Next Bar”  This in turn was questioned “Yeah, but where’s that”….same answer again from Miss Whop….”Next Bar”…….

This may not seem that significant but if you know any of the BOAD’s, that is a routine answer for the above question…..seems we’re picking up each other’s banter more than I thought ;-)

Anyway…..we moved on, heading for BOAD HQ, along the way Uber Whop tried to buy some batteries…..
I did question if the batteries were for the “Big Sucker” (seehttp://blog.whopever.com/2008/09/25/99/ for the explanation) but no, apparently that particular beast didn’t require batteries, just a clean flat surface and enough space for a good run up!

The “Big Sucker” was also nearly to blame for a nasty accident involving me, a roundabout and a HGV, but that’s a different story, it’s all Uber’s fault for blogging about it and putting those images in my head ;-)

We arrived at HQ and as usual, it was empty…..not such a bad thing as service at the bar is much easier.  We settled in and had a couple of rounds of the usuals (treble vodka’s with a squirt of lemonade) with the obligatory sambuca chaser.

With the theme of the night settling in (i.e. fuck a quiet night…..let’s get leathered) we moved on to the toot (walkabout) where Big A decided to treat the girls to the pleasure of a squashed frog. Basically it’s a pint glass with ice and 3 flavours of VK alcopop mixed in…..so green pints in hand we made our way to the (empty) dance floor where Big a and the girls promptly teach the rest of the pub how to dance.
After a little while busting moves it was decided that it was time to also teach the general public how to sing…..so off to Bentleys it was, for a good old Karaoke session….. We ordered a set of drinks and asked our friendly bar manager (Dan The Man) for a batch of his “special” shots…..not necessarily “special needs” but after a couple of these bad boys that’s what you feel like…..

Not being Drink shy, when Dan the Man asked if we minded if he tried some new shots out on us we were only too happy to oblige…..  One of the shots is called a wibbly wobbly…..all I can say about it is that’s exactly how it makes you feel 5 minutes after downing it.

Anyway…..The BOAD and Whops belted out one or two hits, can’t really recall what they were but Dolly Parton was no doubt in the mix somewhere.  Mini Whop spotted her nemesis from the previous outing so she ended up sitting under the table for half an hour on and off. The night crept on and it was soon time to call it a night and go home…..

Mini was crashing at Uber’s house so on the way they called in to the pizza place for a bit of supper…..Mini decided to go ahead and unlock the house so that Uber could just walk in with the food. Uber had taken off her shoes while she was waiting for the food to be cooked, and mini, being mini, had decided to do Uber a favour and take her shoes with her back to the house…..

Turned out to be not the best idea as this would mean that Uber would have to walk through the streets of Lancaster bare foot…..sometimes it’s bad enough wearing Steel toe capped boots around there…..never mind actually letting your skin make contact with the pavement.

Anyway, the first bright idea we had was for me to give her a piggy back home…..not a bad idea, she jumped on my back and the pizza man opened up the door so we could charge out, raging bull style…..One problem though…..I was holding onto her legs so she didn’t fall off and she was clinging to my neck , for the same reason…..  Have you spotted the fatal flaw….no hands left to carry the 3 pizza boxes…..so that idea was soon scrapped….

Next idea….Being BOAD we have certain gentlemanly standards….so…..I know, I’ll take my shoes off and you can wear them instead. Not a bad idea in principle, but when we tried it..it just didn’t work….. Bear in mind that I am 6 foot 3 with size 11/12 feet and Uber is a 5 foot 4 and a bit, petit good looking young lady. So her trying to walk in my shoes turned out to be even more hazardous than actually going bare foot.

Anyway…..she made it home safely in one piece and with both feet intact..and I finally managed to get a taxi after trying to hail everything from a bicycle to a HGV

Gardner For Hire

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WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….
What *the fuck* is that noise?.?.?
WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….
Oh shit…that sounds like my alarm clock…..?
WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….
It can’t be my alarm clock….today’s Saturday isn’t it and I always turn my alarm clock off.?.?
WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….

So I manage to crowbar one eye open, sit up and actually look at my clock….
At first I felt like a dyslexic that had opened too many tins of alphabeti-spaghetti
It was just lines and numbers all dancing around…..
Then the display slowly came into focus….9……..4……..3…..apparently…..what does that mean….?
Never mind…..it’s weekend now so I can have a nice lie in……1 quick mouth full of water and then back to sleep…..
So I lie down and close my eyes…..
WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….
Then I realise that my alarm is still going off…..sounding like the titanic reversing…..
I swear at this point it was like being in a cartoon…..I can see the little birds tweeting and circling round my head…..(why are they laughing and pointing at me?)
WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WARRGGH….
I reach down to my bedside to get another drink from my bottle of water, but my hands finds something else…..Last night’s trophy food…..
Jebus…just how pissed was I…..there’s a full pizza……a double cheese burger (with pineapple)…..and a kebab (I think.?.?)…..all untouched!
All I can say is that the local tramps are gonna eat like kings this morning…..especially those polish types that seems to have taken over our locality!!
So I build up the strength to sit up again and try and turn off my alarm…..
WARRGGH….WARRGGH….WAR……ahh silence…..
With pure comedy timing….. I lie back down and literally as soon as my head has touched the pillows…..
BerrrrrrINGGGGG!!!  oh shit…..(in the style of Rod Hull and Emu and don’t ask why) I literally start singing out loud “There’s somebody at the door…..There’s somebody at the door”
Then, I realise what I’m doing, talking/singing to myself and I start giggling…..once that has passed I close my eyes again….
BerrrrrrINGGGGG!!! BerrrrrrINGGGGG!!! Berrrr-*FUCKING*-rrINGGGGG!!!
oh yeah…..there’s somebody at the door isn’t there…..so I jump out of bed and I actually miss the floor…..
I find it eventually after Ie untangled myself from my duvet…..I quickly throw on my jeans (backwards) and my shirt from last night (that now smells like a small Turkish family has been living in it for a week…) and I head for the stairs…..
I make it to the Front door head first….literally…..On my way down the stairs I’d got a bit of speed up…..(it was like when you’re a kid running down a hill…..you get some speed up and you can’t slow down or stop)
Anyway….. I make the Courier jump, only because I hit the front door with my head…..Shit….Now I’m awake!!!
It turns out to be a package that was meant to be delivered late last week, but I haven’t got the energy to start giving him shit about it.
So I dump the package on the floor next to the door and start heading back up stairs to bed…..then the cogs start turning…..shit last night was a bit heavy wasn’t it!…..even for a Friday night…..!
Half way up the stairs I stop walking and it hits me…..SHIT…..Last night wasn’t Friday was it…..it was fecking Wednesday night…..OH Shit!
Then I get a Vietnam Film style flash back…..first there’s a glass of treble vodka…..then a shot of black sambuca…..then a cosmopolitan…..and then finally there’s the display of my clock…..9:43…..now those numbers make sense…..
“OH FUCK!!!!!”…..again…..literally out loud……
Quickest shower in the world ever…..I barely got wet…..In the midst of putting my shirt on I manage to stand in the double cheese burger (with pineapple), fortunately I hadn’t managed to put my socks on yet so I hop back to the bathroom to stick my foot under the sink (quite a feat in itself…..)
After that I finished getting dressed and must have gone up and down stairs 10 times…..
1st time
Back up stairs to get my car keys
2nd time
Back up stairs to get my front door keys
3rd time
Back up stairs to get my fags and lighter
You get the picture….
I must still have been pissed…..it was the 10th trip back upstairs for my shoes that made me realise that!
So I try my best at driving…..but I can’t seem to get past 2nd gear…..oh well …..it doesn’t matter, at least I’m on my way…..
I pass MacDonald’s and I realise that I’m hungry…..don’t know why I didn’t eat last night’s food…..although saying that its probably for the best that I laid that stuff to rest in the bin!
“Double Sausage and egg breakfast please”…..the young girl at the drive in counter looks at me like I’m daft…..Picture yourself being in France/Italy/Spain and not speaking the lingo….Slowly and loudly this time…..”Double Sausage and egg breakfast please”…..
Then I realise that my window is still up…..what a twat!!!…..I lean over to push the button to wind the window down and manage to head butt the window (that’s twice now…..ok god….. I get it…..I’m awake now so leave me alone!!)
“Double Sausage and egg breakfast please”, third time lucky!
But oh no….it’s not that easy is it…..I’m sure the girl could tell how pissed I am and she insists on firing questions at me…..
“Is that a large meal?”
“I don’t know flower…is it…..you tell me!”
“Do you want an extra hash brown with that for 30p…..”
“I don’t want the first one that comes with it…..If I pay extra can you buzz it for me?”
“What do you want to drink with that?”
“Coffee”
“How do you take your coffee?”
“Intravenously!”
“Sorry we’ve run out of needles today, will a cup do?”  – fuck me!!! a food service engineer (or whatever they like to call themselves nowadays) with a sense of humour
Anyway I finally get my food and pull up and polish it off…..starting to feel vaguely human again now
I continue to work and I make it as far as the traffic lights outside the business park where I work….
They’re on red obviously…..I wait for what seems like an hour and they still haven’t changed!
Then I hear BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP…..So I wonder…”what the fuck is that idiot beeping at?”
Slowly I realise that I haven’t got my eyes open……shit…..I’ve fallen asleep at the traffic lights……!
My eyes flash open and I jump, nearly out of my skin and yes….banged my head on the roof……(I give up now!)
Made it into work for 11:10……And I’m already counting the minutes till I clock off……
It only seems fair that if I’ve started work late that I finish work early!!!

Nobody ever said that being BOAD was easy…..But why does having fun hurt this much…..

I think my personal highlight of last night’s episode happened in BOAD HQ…..
We’d got there, had a drink and were having a quick smoke outside…..
The Waa turns to me and says
“So…..What’s this Uber Whop girl like then?”
“Ahh she’s a real belter…..” i say…..”A top class personality and fooking fit aswell!”
The waa gives me a knowing look…..the kind of look that shouts “Yeah….right!….What/Whop Ever!”
Any way…..a few drinks in and Uber Whop makes her entrance
I see the Waa look over at her and then back at me…..
Now its my turn to give him “The Look”
Without words I nod at him and mentally say “Oh yeah….that’s her!”
The Waa does another double take and i see him silently mouth the words at me “FUCKING HELL!”…..finally he manages to pick his jaw up from the floor!
I must admit that i had to look twice to make sure i wasn’t seeing things!
I remember from our first meeting on suday that she is a looker but….jebus!!

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

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The BOAD must be getting old…..we only managed 3 nights out this week…..

Sunday night was the highlight of our adventures when, after sometime in the dark, we finally met up with the Whop Circle.
Well 3 members….(Uber Whop, Mis Whop and Whop Chops)

Obviously we all had to sign the Whop offical secrets act, so i can’t divulge too much information here.

LJ was a touch nervous about our rendezvous and had supped his first couple of Vodka’s a little to fast…..By drink number 3, number 2 had arrived!Â
Never a pretty sight….especially not on our first meeting with our new friends….

Needless to say that our BOAD friendly angry boy barman came close to barring LJ from BOAD HQ……again!

The banter flowed as did the vodka (and WhopChops Gin Slings!!!)…..We even managed to slip some of the good stufff into the mix….but being BOAD we had to add a little extra something in there too…
The drink consisted of a half pint glass of champagne with a shot glass of sambuca floating in it….not sure what to call this drink? maybe sam-pain or chamzuca?.?.?

Time ticked on and the Whop circle had to leave as they had work in the morning…
The BOAD bid them adieu and continued onto the Lounge for a couple of late drinks..
One member of the BOAD (who can’t be named here for legal reasons and the fact that his ex may chuck another drink, glass and all, at his head) was on the pull and he managed to land himself a “lady” of larger proportions.
I would post a picture to illustrate just how big she was, but sadly my camera doesn’t have a wide angle lense.

All in all it turned out to be a good night and it was good to finally meet up with the Enigma that is Whopever…..

ps – I will leave you to draw your own conclusions as to who’s who regarding the blog subject!