3 In A Row – Paying The Price Of Living Life At The Limit

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Jebus Feck……I thought this “Going out and drinking” thing was meant to be fun!

Thursday night was fecking nuts for a start (read here for a summary of the one)

Things didn’t slow down after that though.  After a tortureous day at work on Friday, it was time for F.N.A.

And as the saying goes…..if something is worth doing, its worth doing well……So Friday night was another full on, no holds barred BOAD sized drinking session.

I’ve not had chance to check my camera yet, so i’ve no real idea of what the feck happened…..I have flash backs of being in BOAD HQ, Walkabout, LA1, Hustle and Lounge……but those memories only add up to around 15 seconds all together.

One thing i did find in my jeans pocket the evening after, was a stack of debit card reciepts from various bars all over town…..Gotta say it was one of the scariest moments ever…..I’d logged onto my online banking and discovered that at various points in the night i’d withdrawn a total of around £150 in cash……

So i start added up the receipts too, just to get an idea of exactly how mental F.N.A was this time…..

Hustle £23.50, LA1 £36.20, Lounge £63.00 I stopped adding them up when the total got near to £300!

Now in the past we have had a few sessions of the good “good stuff”, 2 or 3 bottles of £70+ champagne here and there etc……But I’m pretty sure we didn’t order any bubble on Friday night.

I know we hit a few bars that we don’t usually visit, e.g. The 2nd bar we went to was Mint, for a few cocktails…..I think the order went…

“5 cocktails please mate”

“Sure, what would you like?”

“Not bothered as long as they’re the strongest ones you sell”

That sort of set the theme for the night early on, so i can only presume that we were on the daft cocktails for the rest of the night.

Needless to say we probably covered the usual route of bars and still managed to end up in the Hustle and then the Lounge.  Now the Lounge usually plays some pretty good music down stairs on Friday night,  stuff like the stone roses etc, and upstairs you’ve got all the good dance tunes happening.

Not sure how, why or even when everybody lasted until in there…..I got a mail from Munka today saying he left there around 3am.

The only thing i am sure of is that i left there at around 6am…..Not sure i was awake the whole time i was in there……I most likely just found a comfy sofa or a dark corner for a quick nap here and there.

Anyway, I walked out of the lounge (well its probably unfair to call it walking, but i did leave under my own steam) and straight into a waiting taxi. (bet he regrets parking there at that time now!)   As soon as the taxi set off, thats when the whole world decided to start spinning around at 100mph.  I tried closing my eyes (made it worse), tried lying down on the seats (made doubley worse), so i was left with the only other option i could think of to take my mind off the the blurry view of the passing streets…..Make conversation with the driver.  Tried my best but i couldn’t make any sense what so ever…..

This seemed to raise the drivers concerns about just how gip proof his back seat covers were……Anyway…..he advised me that i needed to drink lots of water so I instructed him to take me to the nearest 24 hour garage so i could get a good stock of it.

Not sure why, but at the time it must have seemed like a really good idea to buy one of each flavour of what ever Ginsters were lined up in the cooler too.  Oh yeah, and a handfull of various bags of crisps.

It must have been around 6:30+ when i actually made it home…..having told the taxi man to stop a couple of blocks away from where I live as I didn’t fancy paying him the £80 to clean up what i was about to produce on his back seats and over the back of his head.  He seemed more than relieved for me to be out of the cab and on my merry way stumbling down the street.

Finally got the front door open…..It did take quite a few attempts…..tried 3 different keys (actaully that is bollocks, i only have one front door key on my key ring, but at this point i was convinced i had more), I’m pretty sure there are numerous new dents all around the key hole too now.

Tried to asend the stairs but couldnt manage to get past the first 3 of the feckers, so i kick my shoes off and climb the stairs in my hands and knees, dragging the carrier bag of food by my side.

Eventually make it to my bedroom, dump the bag of food by my bedside and crawl straight into bed, didn’t even attempt to get undressed, far too many buttons to attempt.

Realise that daylight is on its way and my blinds aren’t shut, it takes me a good 5 minutes to sort that out.

Close my eyes for what seems like 10 minutes and then wake up to my phone beeping….new message…..tried my best to read it….it took a good 5 minutes of rubbing my eyes, chewing nurofen and sipping water before the words finally came into focus…..then the person that had text me, called me…..It was a friend that wanted to ask me something ( you whopper! ;-)   )…..not too sure how much sense i made, if any!

The hangover was in full effect now, it had started without me, so i go have a few coffees and stick my head under a freezing cold shower to try and come round a bit. Finally feel a bit more human, i go and check what they wanted checking, text them back and crawl back into bed.

Close my eyes and drift off back to sleep, get a few more texts from different people, answer them whilst drifting in and out of conciousness and then i hear my msn messenger wobbling away…..

It’s the Waa…..wanting to know if I’m “On for tonight like” – Jebus Waa….Did we not drink enough last night!

But…Being a BOAD does require certain duties to be forfilled, e.g if one of the members calls for a night out, you have to obligue and turn up.

So i have a steaming hot shower and slowly get ready, order the cab and i’m on my way.  Pick the Waa up and get to the pub where we’re meeting a couple of Non BOAD’s, basically a coupla lads that the Waa uswed to work with.

We get the beers in and start very slowly sipping away at them…..At this point i was so not ready for another drink….let alone a full pint of beer!  I catch myself a few times just drifting off starring off into space.

A few comments were made asking “Are you ok mate?”  It only takes one simple statement for them to fully understand……”Yeah I’m ok….it’s just that this is the 3rd heavy night in a row and i’m not quite with it yet”

So we finish up and do a few bars along the way, quickly swapping from lager to large smirnoff’s and lemonade.  About 1 1/2 hours in, i say to the waa….”Look mate, i’m not too sure how long i’m gonna last tonight, i’m having trouble standing upright at the moment, still fecked from last night”……A quick conversation later and he admits that he’s in the same boat! Thank feck i’m not on my own!

Anyway, we do a few more bars and we both get our second wind…..so much so that we actaully make it to the Lounge again….shit!….2 visits in less than 17 hours!

I realise that both me and the waa have reached and breached our limits…..I think it was the fact that the Waa was now drinking pints of water, and that i had had the same vodka and redbull for nearly an hour.

We agree to call it a night and that a bit of supper was in order…..I still had a good stock of ginsters at home but really didnt fancy doing anything with them apart from throwing them in the nearest bin.

So i say to the Waa…..”Feck me……i could just eat fish and chips now…..not had em in years!”

“Theres one round the corner……Let’s do it”

Fish, Chips, Peas and Gravy……Really was the food of the gods…..went down a treat!

Not too sure what the plans are for this week / weekends drinking activities.

This Friday will be P.D.F.N.A – Pay Day Friday Night Amnesia……they’re like F.N.A but about 10 times more radio rental……think we may all be in trouble if this last friday is any measure!

Some Drink To Remember…..Some Drink To Forget…..

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Very poor turnout from the BOAD last night.  Everybody is saving it for F.N.A (Friday Night Amnesia) I guess?

Last night was one of the biggest students nights of the year.  Carnge UK had organised a massive pub crawl around the bars in Lancaster for the students, so we thought we’d go out and see what was what. (Not that we really need any excuse to go out other than “because we can”)

As usual we started in BOAD HQ. Last saturday night we were in HQ drinking the usuals (Treble vodka and lemonade) when it was decided that the particualr brand of vodka they serve in there was actually not very nice. I’m pretty sure they buy it in bulk from the local DIY superstore. It was so bad, that after drinking 3 or 4 rounds, I actually had to go home around 11pm feeling more than a little ropey. Hence a motion to stop drinking that poison was elected and carried.

So last night we moved onto the new new usual, double Smirnoff and lemonade. It was as Sainsbury’s say…you can taste the difference.

A couple of rounds of them and a quick go on the quiz machine and we were off to the next bar. As we knew the pub crawl was starting at the top of town, we headed to LA1 for a quick nosey (and also a quick go on the dyson hand driers…they’re fab!). As we turned the corner we could see the massive queues forming outside the Lounge, 100′s of them were out.  A quick drink in LA1 and we were off again.  As we were walking, LJ spotted his Ex walk past and he saw she was heading towards Bentleys, which was going to be our next bar. So a quick diversion was called for.

We decided to go to the Irish bar in the middle of town.  Not a particular favourite of mine, but as LJ was dodging the Ex it made sense to get out of the way.

Anyway, we made it to the boozer and i looked through the door…..there was literally nobody in there apart from the bar staff, so we took off back to HQ for another quick new new usual and to plan where else we were going to visit.

Next on the list was Walkabout, we finished our fags and got in the rapidly forming Queue, only to be told by the bouncer that it was “Carnage Only” tonight…..!  WHAT….?

Turns out that Carnage had paid a large wedge of cash to all the best bars in town to ensure that only the paying pub crawlers gained entry.  That explained why they were all wearing those shitty printed t-shirts then!

Realising that most of the places wouldn’t let us in, we decided that LJ would have to face his demons, so off to Bentleys it was.

We got to the bar and were ready to place our order.  Its fair to say that we’d had 1 or 2 drinks by now.

So I decided to play one of my favourite games  (not “The Animal Game” this time)

It’s called the “What Game” – The rules are pretty simple.  Engage somebody in conversation and then see how long you can carry the conversation on, only saying the word “What?”

Previously, my personnal best was 4, that may seem quite a low number, but it is a pretty tough game to score highly in……in fact you usually get told to feck off or looked at like your a stamp licker after around  2 or 3!

Anyway…..I smashed my record with a new all time high score of 8!!!.

The conversation with the barman went something like…..

-2 Large Vodkas and Lemonade please
-Did you say you want doubles?
-Do you want double Vodkas?
-Doubles….Do you want double Vodkas?
-Do…You…Want …Double…Vodkas?
-Ah Forget it, you’re getting Doubles now….do you want some shots too?
-Shots……Do you want a couple of shots too?
-(A quick frown, a head shake and a funny look later)…..Sambuca or special ones?
-Look…..just tell me what you want to drink!
-Ahh feck ye…..
-2 Large vodkas and lemonade please….


Anyway, we got the drinks and I decided to have a shot of 57%  Wood’s rum.  This stuff really is lethal, it’s the main ingredient in a shot cocktail called a wibbly wobbly.

When we were first introduced to this lethal cocktail, the bar manager that served us told us after you drink it, you have 15 minutes before it hits you….then you’ll be in trouble.

Back then we Doubted his word, chinned them, chinned another and then promptly became leathered exactly 15 minutes later…..It really was uncanny, you could set your watch by it.

Like i said…..Not wanting to mess around i decided to have the rum on its own. knowing the 15 minute rule that applied to the cocktail, i gauged it to be around 3 minutes after chinning the shot that it would really hit you.   Oh how wrong i was…..

I eyed the glass up, took a deep breath, swallowed the drink in one and then it hit me…..almost instantly.

I had the full works…..Bright red face, dribbling mouth, watering eyes, lack of ability to talk, throat and stomach on fire etc etc….you get the picture!

On seeing the state i had become, LJ, being a BOAD did what any other BOAD’s duty would have been…..”How was it mate? you want another one?”

I looked at him and i think he could see what the answer was…..

“Do I feck!  that bastard nearly killed me, if i have another one now i’ll be in the emergency room!”

5 mins later i had recovered enough to have a sambuca shot cocktail and all was well with the world again.


Things get a little hazy after that?  I rememebr we visited the Hustle Bar, this was also on the carnage route, so wasn’t meant to be open to the public, but a quick word with the bouncer and we were in…..


BOAD timing struck again…as we’d ordered our drink, the rest of the occupants had decided it was time for the next bar, so it quickly became pretty vacant (much like our faces)  No idea what we did or where we went after that?  Must have got food at some point as all I have been able to taste all day is fecking Garlic!


I woke up this morning and was still feeling the effects of the previous nights rum fuelled adventures, so i decided to pop to Mikky D’s on the way in to grab a Laaaaarrrgggggeeee coffee and a dead pig sandwich.


Really was hard work…..

I knew what i was ordering but i was having real trouble making my mouth work.

Got to the drive through window and all I could manage was “koo I ha muufin pleeeeeese”

Second try…..”Sausage brekky poo please flower….”

Getting closer…..Nearly there…..

Third time “Sausage butt butt with larrrrrrrrge coffee please.


BINGO! Ate it like i was a starving dog! must have been about 4 bites and it was gone!


Talking with the boys on t’email today and it looks like we on for an early start for F.N.A tonight…..

The Waa wants the start at 6:45……I suppose it would be rude to let him down!


No doubt there will be a report on here about what occurs and some pictures on the gallery pages (when I eventually pull my finger out and upload the backlog)

There is also mention of a night out on saturday too….Looks like I’m gonna be going for the hat trick again then!


F.N.A……say it, do it, mean it!


ps – be sure to check out the new (stolen) thoughts section on the main website

Purple Ronnie

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Thursday neets owt (aka BOAD neet owt)……What can i say about them……?

Recently there have been some really good ones and some really bad ones (…..sorry)

With regards to Last nights instalment i really have no idea what to say.

And thats not because i don’t have an opinion (for a change), its simply because i cant rememeber what the feck happened!

As far as my limited memory is concerned……I went to the mood bar, drank vodka, (I recall having a conversation with the bar man about just how much vodka we each drink in there …..I think we worked it out to be around a bottle (750ml) of vodka each, every time we go in there), then we went to walkabout and drank a couple of pints of green shit (…..thanks once again Big A for introducing that nonsense to the group!!!), then we went to bentleys, drank more vodka (and possibly some more 53% wood’s rum) and howled like a banshee on the karaoke machine. I’m pretty sure there must have been some other bars before / after the ones i have mentioned…..but I’m fecked if i know where!

I know i went out around 7pm but i have no idea what time i got home. probably some ridiculous time in the bastard morning. Got to work half an hour late and i can’t even remember the drive in! My head really is feeling like a bag of smashed twats. (I thought this drinking malarky was meant to be fun!)

One thing i do know is that when i woke up this morning i was covered in crumbs from thick crusty bread, garlic and olive humos and most of the contents of a can of fizzy vimto.  What the feck is that all about! (That has the makings of what could have been an interesting night if i wasn’t on my own!)

It’s currently around 10am and i am still having trouble doing the basic things…..like breathing and making my eyes focus etc.

Oh well…..only 8 hours 59 minutes and 23 seconds to go until we start again……trouble is, tonight if F.N.A and we all know what that means!…..see you all in the emergency room!

Warning: Consumption Of Alcohol May…..

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Alcohol manufacturers have accepted the Government’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in acting like aw@nker.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Ninja powers.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you and not at you.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.