This is the worst drink in the world’ . . .a tribute.

Long time ago me and my brotherhood here,…
we was hanging owt just having a beer
All of a sudden,
there shined a shiny red faced demon…
in the middle…
of the Bar.

And he said:
“Drink the worst drink in the world,
or I’ll eat your souls (whisper:Souls).”

Well me and the Waa,… we looked at each other,
and we each said…
“No.”

Clivey drank the first thing that came to hand,
Just so happened to be,
The worst drink in the World,
it was The worst drink in the World ever.

Look into my eyes and it’s easy to see
One and one make two,
two and one make three,
It was destiny. (oh yeah he drank three!)

Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
and the grass doth grow oooh

Needless to say,
the biff was stunned.
Whip-crack it was nailed,
And the biffa was done.
He asked us:
“(snort) BE he sober?”
And we said,
“Nay.
We are but BOAD
Rock!!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahn,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

Absinthe / Stroh This is not The worst drink in the World, No
This is just a tribute.
FNA Couldn’t remember The worst drink in the World, No.
No!
This is a tribute, oh,
To The worst drink in the World,
All right!
It was the worst drink in the World,
All right!

And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the drink he drank on that fateful night it didn’t actually taste right

tequila is just a tribute!
You gotta believe me!
And I wish you were there!
Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, feck!
Good God, God lovin’ ,
So surprised to find you can’t stop him,now.
TBC’s on fire

Tenacious D -Tribute

After spending all day thinking it was Wednesday, it somewhat came as a surprise when i got the obligitory 5pm email asking “Is anybody up for (Thursday) BOAD night out?” from the Waa.

To be honest I was feeling a little under the weather and very tired, so  i could very easily have stayed in and had an early night in front of the box. But as one of the senior BOAD had called the night out, I had to forefill my BOAD contractual obligations and make an appearance.

The night got off to a good start as I was popping round to Whop HQ  to drop some duty free fags off and for a quick catch up with the Top Whop.  (It just wouldn’t be BOAD Thursday without some interaction with our muchly missed Whop affiliates)

So after that it was time to go and meet the boys.  Following a breakdown in communications, the Waa was in one pub and Munka was alone in another.  So a quick phone call and i meet up with Munka and then we find the Waa in the first pub we walk into, which happened to be the Mint bar.

I dont know how we managed it, town was dead but we somehow picked the only bar in town that was queing three deep at the bar. Anyhow, it worked out well. I put the order in for long island iced teas and quickly found out that there  was a 2 for 1 offer on. So instead of splitting the offer up between us, we just got 2 drinks each instead.

I knew i was in trouble after i’d finished the first drink….. Last week we were on a skiing holiday and i’d pretty much been on the wagon for the week, plus I still hadn’t fully recovered from the sunburn and sun stroke.

So then we head to the next bar. BOAD HQ. A quick order of “3 usuals please flower” and we’re neck deep in treble vodkas.  Now feeling the full effect of the vodka, we got a few more rounds in then moved and did a couple more bars.  As ever, we ended up in Bentleys…..It must be the draw of the karaoke that does it?

Clivey had met up with us by now and i think its fair to say that he was rendered.  So as the night is drawing to a close, Clive tries to sit down by the edge of the dance floor on one of the tall stools……and misses.

It was like watching him in slow motion. He’s slowly leaning backwards thinking that the seat was lined up.

As he got to the point of no return, where his body was fully committed to sitting down with or without his consent, his eyes said it all……he now knows he’s missed and is tryng to get his body upright…..but gravity is winning the battle.

I try and reach out and grab him but its far too late for that, he’s out of reach. So i cant do anything else but watch as he continues his rapid descent.  He lands on the floor with a thump, and then there is another hollow thump as his head smashed into the thick wooden leg of the table.

Needless to say it wasn’t a light impact and i’m pretty sure he was out cold for a second or two.  So we all rush to him to see if he’s ok.  As he’s coming too a little we are asked to leave the bar as its closing time (I’m not sure it was actually closing time, i just think they wanted this possible lawsuit off their premises)

So we get clive outside and he is determined to stand up under his own power, so thinking he is ok, we get him upright and let him loose on his own.  Big mistake……within seconds he’s teetering backwards again. So we get hold of him and sit him down on the floor thinking he’ll be ok after a few minutes.

I’m not quite sure how he did it, but he managed to lean backwards a little to far again and slip through our fingers and managed to crack the back of his head (again) on the concrete.

By this point we were seriously considering calling the hospital…..either to treat him for concussion or to lock him in a padded room so he couldn’t damage himself any further.

Anyway, after a while he came to and we decided it was best all round if we called it a night and went home whilst we were all in one piece.  We were at the point of taking clive to A&E but he convinced us that he was ok.  So we take him home in a taxi, open up his house and try and help him up the stairs so he can crash on his bed.

It was like juggling jelly……there was me and Waa trying to carry him upstairs….clive was a dead weight and his arms and legs were everywhere.  So we eventually gave up and got him to his sofa and got him a pint of water on his table for when he woke up.

With Clive relativley sorted, I locked his house up and left him to it.   As I’m writing this blog my head is hurting, but I’m sure Clives is hurting worse…..

F.N.A with a difference is lined up for tonight as it’s the Waa’s birthday weekend (Jesus Waa…..39! you old tw@t!).

Not sure I’m ready for it, I seriously am considering going on the wagon for a while…..

So Thursday rolled round again, and we all know what that means…..BOAD neet owt.

After finishing work, there’s just enough time to get a shower and shave before its time to head out again.

I swear to god, I must have pissed off the god of disposable razors somewhere along the line in the past.

For the past few years, every time i have a shave I can’t help but cut myself. I’ve tried using different brands of razors, different flavors of shaving cream/gel/oil, various shaving techniques…..but all to no avail.  It seems I’m doomed to bleed every time i get a hairy chin. (Thank feck i dont shave my nuts!)

Last night was a little different, I’d managed to shave and shower before the boy Laurence turned up at mine, ready to head off into town, but as we were heading into town he said, “Jebas, what’s happened to your neck, its dripping blood…..”

So i touch my neck and when i look at my fingers, they’re literally covered in blood…..not too much of a problem i think…..A quick dab with a tissue and that’ll stop bleeding soon enough.

Oh how wrong I was…..

We got to the first bar (BOAD HQ) around 8ish and my neck was still dripping with blood, so i went to the toilets to clean up a bit.

On closer inspection in the mirror, i realised that i had actually shaved the top off a very small mole on my neck…..no wonder that the little bleeder (d’oh) was gushing away!

So all i could do was hold a paper napkin to my neck whilst sipping away at my drinks.

Next bar (Irish bar) and it’s still dripping away…..a quick vodka and another couple of visits to the toilet to clean up again and then we’re off to LA1.

By now i was feeling a little light headed…..not sure if it was down to the vodka i was drinking or the blood loss 

So i decide to try and put a stop to the bleeding by cauterising it with my lighter. Afterall, it had been bleeding for around 2 hours at this stage.

So i go to the toilets and line myself up infront of the mirror and flick my lighter into action.

On the first attempt,  i miss my neck completely and then notice a funny smell…..managed to singe the back of my hair instead.

Second attempt i decide to leave the lighter lit for a minute to heat up the metal and use that instead of the naked flame.  Big gulp of Vodka for the pain and then i plunge the hot metal at my bleeding neck……

Needless to say, it didn’t work, so not only am i left with a still dripping neck, but it also stings like a mudder fudder now too!

Anyway, we move onto Bentleys and order our drinks.  then the bar manager, Lee, comes across and we have a bit of banter and he asks why i’m stood holding a tissue to my neck, so i explain about the shaving injury etc.

He suggests dabbing vodka on it to try and stop it bleeding.  I’ve tried pretty much everything else by now so i agreed to give it a go.  Seconds later he’s back with a shot glass. Rather than dab away at my neck, i thought it’d be easier to stick the glass on my neck and tilt my head to the side so the cut would be submerged in vodka…… This also didn’t fecking work. it just left me with a pink stain running down my collar.

At around midnight, the bleeding eventually gave in, after a record breaking 4 1/2 hours!

So as a celebration we decided to have a crack at the good old karoke…..LJ wanted to sing a Jonny Cash tune, but unfortunatley he didn’t know the title of the song, and got the wrong song, leaving us high and dry, not knowing the words or timing etc.

We quickly lined up another track, one from the band James this time…born of frustration………We murdered it…..

After that embarrassing outburst, we made a sharp exit and briefly visited the Hustle to bust some moves.

Needless to say, we were dancing just as well as we were singing earlier, so after a short while we called it a night.

Of course, with it now being Friday, preparations are already in motion for tonights F.N.A.

Thing is, I now need another quick shave…..think I’m going to try waxing instead!