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“Is It Wrong To……..” “BBQ Munka, Lyon, Snakes & Weasel?”

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So last Saturday certainly was a game of two halves…  Some BOAD headed to Bowd country for Hawkanbury while others stayed more local for Toph’s house warming either way the BOAD were well represented at both events!! This on the back of a not overly surprisingly heavy session the night before for FNA.

So the afternoon start for Munka in the un familar surrounding of PC world several texts and frantic phone calls to Symbol the BOAD formally known as Biff (Beeeeeeef in Bulgaria) later and the in laws where hooked up and Munka was in the much more familiar setting of the alcohol section of the local spar. So I hand over the pack of Stella and attempt to hand over the cash only to be stopped in my tracks by the shop toot asking me for I.D needless to say I had none and Mrs. Munka had to produce her driving license and save the day!

So next things next a quick text to the Waa for directions and I’m heading to Toph’s. On route Big A texts to say he’ll be there after a spot of supper and team Tague are already there including captain Quint and his first mate after a days yachting on lake Windermere (boarder control between Bowd country and the North must have being working over time).

With the fridge full the only way to keep the beer cool was to drink it a.s.a.p. and with Thop’s special punch everyone was soon well on the way.

Eventually Big A arrives with Kate and the ladies are admiring her new engagement ring while the unmarried lads shuffle around uncomfortably.  It is at this point that it comes out that Mr. Matterson originally asked Kate which ring she liked and handed her the ARGOS catalogue anyway Big A stood his ground and purchased the ring from Bank Lyon good on you son king of your own castle mate! Kate asked A if any of the BOAD would be attending the wedding to which he replied, “I’m not sure they can afford the tickets!!!!”

Anyway the rest of the BBQ flew by highlights included GP egging Rubydoo on to climb to the top of an apple tree (I’m guessing windy gave him some grief once they got home!) and an appearance from Toph’s Snake and no that’s not a euphemism.  Jo’s younger sister ‘the Goth’ was particularly frightened of the albino reptile oh the irony.

A few of us headed into town afterward to complete the Northern route in reverse and meet up with Mrs. Munka and her group of workmates celebrating a 30th.  One thing worthy of note was Me and the Waa stood outside Rev the bouncer said “join the queue and have your three pund ready” Waa knowing his BOAD rule book said I’m not queuing or Paying three quid I’m out of here before proceeding to perform the “victory Dance” and disappearing into the night

Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster

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So…..at the beginning of last week I woke up and thought I had slept a bit funny on my ear as it was a bit tingly and sore…..

Later that day it started to really ache, but i thought nothing of it.  Anyway, it got steadily worse throughout the day, and as the week passed by my head and teeth both started to ache too.

So BOAD night (Thursday) came around and I venture out with a plan of “Drink Untill I Can’t Feel My Head”

Two or three long island iced teas in and the pain starts to subside, happy days!  It wasn’t until later that night that the pain came back with a vengence.  I wasn’t sure if it was my earache or the terrible attempts on the Bentleys Karoke that were nearly making my ears bleed…..but I just had to get out of there and go home.

Friday morning I woke up and felt like death….but theres nothing out of the ordinary there…..I just thought that it was  just the usual BOAD hangover after a BOAD sized night out.

So later at work, after I’d finished off the BOAD hangover recovery pack (sausage and bacon bun + bottle lucozade + 2 paracetemols) the day started to pick up a little and the day flew past….the fact that i felt leathered until at least 2pm seemed to help.

Anyway, a quick contact to the BOAD (and affiliates) and it’s time for FNA (Friday Night Amnesia)

We meet up earlish and hit the cocktail bars.  Needless to say, my head, teeth and ear were all already banging away like a cheap dutch whore even before i had left home, so adding stupidly strong cocktails into the mix meant that i got “merry” very quickly.

A little later on and The Top Whop joins us so suitable drinks and shots are ordered and we continue on the night.

Just a little bit of a rewind here……It had been quite a strange night from the start….

We’d started the night off in the Friary and I’d got the round in of  the traditional “First and only pint of lager you’re allowed on a BOAD night”

After that we’d moved on to the Mint Bar. now obviosuly when we go to Mint, we drink the strongest cocktails that they are willing to sell us……But what happened really was an amazing thing to see….

There were 5 off us in the group at this time and as we walked into the bar….everybody still looked as though they were walking forward but in fact they weren’t actually covering any ground.

So I stand near the bar and wait for the others to slowly drift towards me. Its fantastic….it seems nobody wants to get the round in….

Now it may seem a little unfair here, but I’m sure I have bought more than my fair share of expensive rounds on BOAD nights out…in the mint and every other bar in town.

So I was a little hacked off when eventually the majority of the lads made it down to the bar and then instantly became enthralled with sending text/reading texts and generally looking busy.

After asking whose getting the round in, 2 of the BOAD’s said “Oh i don’t want to get a drink in here, its too expensive”…..even more hacked off now as they don’t seem to find it too expensive when somebody else is handing over the cash…..

So they say “Lets go next door (Last orders – used to be Nags Head) for a drink….oh its my round….what you having.

Now its fair to say I can be a little picky about some of the pubs i go into…..and there was not a chance I was going into that particular shit hole.

So we walk towards the exit of Mint and as the other eagerly 3 disapear into Last orders i turn to Munka and say…..”We’re not really going in there are we?  Fancy a Usual in here (mint)?”

And that sort of set the Tone for the evening…..I think it was only in the Lounge later on that we all met up again.

…..Anyway…rant over with……

It still worked out to be a good night and I think my last memories are of drinking Pear Vodka, waving the Top Whop goodbye from the Vodka bar and then bumping into a *VERY* drunk TBC in the Lounge.

The Saturday moring hangover arrives with the added bonus of my still banging tooth and ear so i decide to write Saturday off and stay in bed.

A quick sleep later and i’m woken up by a text and an offer of a bit of golf practice. Feck me…it’s Sunday morning already!

So rather than stay and rot in my pit I get out of the house for a few hours.  But when i get home from the driving range I’m straight back to bed.

The Glory that is Monday morning rolls around and its time for work…where the feck did my weekend go!?!?

I make it to work and I feel rough…..I mean really rough……I think it was the 30 minutes i spent in the toilets dry wretching that convinced me to phone the doctors.

Now the last thing i need at this point is getting hassle from a jobsworth type!

I get the number for the doctors and dial it…..beeeeep beep beeeeep beep…engaged.

I rediall….still engaged…..

After 45 minutes of red button->green button I finally get through……

“Hello Morecambe Health Center”

-”Hello, I need to make an appointment to see a doctor please”

“What sort of appointment would you like?”

-”Wha…?? Err to see a doctor please”

60 seconds of hearing nothing but sublte little clicks……

“I’m sorry but we don’t have any appointments today, is it an emergency?”

-”Err What’s an emergency? I just need to see a doctor and the sooner the better please”

“Well an emergency is where you need to see a doctor for health reasons”

-”Well flower, I’ve phoned the doctors surgery and I’ve asked to see a doctor……so does that cover it?”

“What is it thats wrong with you?”

-”……….pardon?”

“What is it thats wrong with you?”

-”Are you a doctor?”

“No…..”

-”I’m not being funny, but I don’t feel the need to discuss my health issues with a receptionist, when’s the next available time i can see a real doctor please”

“It’s our protocol to ask and assess wheter or not its an emergency”

-”So how many years were you at medical school?”

“Ohh I’ve not been to medical school”

-”So how can you access if its an emergency or not”

“Oh well i have to listen to what the symptoms are and then decide on how serious it sounds”

-”So basically you have no training and you just flip a coin?”

“What do you mean by that?”

-”Well I’ve got just as much medical training as you have, and I think that i need to see a doctor, and i think its an emergency……can you fit me in this afternoon?

“Sorry but it doesnt work like that, if you are uncomfortable telling me all the reasons you need to see a doctor, just tell me the basics”

At this point my ear is banging, the dry wretches are getting ever closer and my head feels like somebody is stamping on it……But that doesn’t stop me having fun with her….

So i quietly whisper……”I’ve got a Hamster stuck up my arse”

“Sorry I’m not sure if i heard that correctly”

-”It’s been hurting for a few days now”

“sorry can you repea…..”

-”I’ve tried sticking a bunch of Q-Tips in there but I’m not sure if thats what started this whole problem off in the first place!”

“…….what…”

-”It really is starting to hurt now and i can’t move without it hurting”

“…..”

-”Somebody told me that putting Warm oil in it may help?”

“……”

-”I’ve heard that a few rock stars suffer from this same problem?”

“sorry but did you say a Hamster…..?”

-”A Hamster…..what does that mean? I said i’ve got an earache flower……now what time can you fit me in?”

“……..Hmmpf……..can you make it at 2:30″

-”Certainly…..thanks for your help”

Bread Wars – You Talkin To Me?

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No one parties like the BOAD party. Even on school nights we still manage to out do ourselves and get ridiculously drunk!

Not much to put in the blog about last nights adventure in Lancaster…..Not that there weren’t any events…..I just plain can’t remember much of the night!

Oh, apart from I have inherited “another” stalker!

Not only do I have one that randomly texts unwanted Risqué nude pictures of herself!, I now have a slightly more dangerous one.  This one knows where i live!

When I logged onto facebook today i got an inbox message saying “was it you i picked up in taxi thursday night?”

Needless to say…..it did freak me out a bit.  On further investigation it turned out to be the taxi driver that had taken me and Waa home after the night out.

Another message from them read

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You went to cash machine at the garage and didn’t get any money out but forgot you you hadn’t till i stopped at spar at torrisholme for ya lol you was rather drunk lol

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I really can’t understand how or in fact “why” they took the bother to figure out my name and look me up on facebook.  I know I’m a charming individual….but that really is just a bit sad!

Anyway, back to last night, After a visit to the driving range we all headed out for a few drinks…..

Why is it that when we plan a quietish night with “Only A few drinks” that it always turns into a fecking mental night?

My last real memory was buying a round of Wood’s 57% rum in Bentleys and 2 of the attending BOAD’s chickening out of drinking them……which left me with 3 in total.  It all gets a bit hazy after that……

So when i eventually rolled into work this morning i was straight on the email to the lads to find out what had occurred……

My Email to the group.

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Holy Hell!  What on earth happened last night!?!?!  I have serious memory loss!

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Reply from the Waa

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Hehe !

1) Me and Teebs went to t’Lounge …. left you dancing (I mean really dancing) in Hustle

2) You turned up at Lounge and purchase 3 drinks for Me, TBC and Thee

3) After spilling half contents on the table you lifted said drink to lips, had a gulp and with Woods’s rum face remarked …. “Errrrrrr ….. whats this horrible drink ?”

No idea mate, you bought um ! …….. “Did I” James replied with puzzled and puddled look on face

4) After 6 attempts at your drink you decided to pour it out on the table in disgust.

5) Me you and Teebs …. taxi to 24 hr spar shop heaven ……. I’m there looking at which sarnie to chose when from nowhere, get clobered with a Warburtons Milk Roll that you’d chucked from tother end on the shop ….. you shouting …. “There’s your fcuking milk roll …… ”

6) I marvelled at the shopping machine called JAMES …. I’ll have that, ohhhh look at them, having um …… ahhhh ….. had them as a kid ….. having them ….. Guy in shop loves JAME’s big shop !

7) Home

8 ) Alarm … errrr …. work …..

9) Roll on home time !

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If a quiet Thursday night out turned out like that…..What’s F.N.A & Saturday night gonna be like?