So Saturday night roles around and as it’s “Pete the Meat’s” birthday we all decide to go and have a couple of pints with him to wish him happy birthday etc

We head out around 8:30 and fix the meeting point at the Friary as there’s a few of us out.
Literally 5 minutes into the night and we have our first casualty……

A few of the lads had been paintballing earlier in the day, and the Waa was sporting a superb bruise on his forehead from a mis/well aimed shot.
He feels sick (maybe concussion?) so he orders a pint of orange and water.
Two sips in and he says he is going outside for a breath of fresh air.  Minutes later I get the inevitable text “Sorry mate, feel ill, nearly gipped……I’m off home”

So I fire him a text back saying hope he’s ok and that he feels better soon etc and then we’re off to do a few bars…..and as ever, we end up in BOAD HQ (mood bar Lancaster).

We settle in with a couple of drinks and I nip outside for a quick smoke.
Shortly after, LJ pokes his head around the door and asks “Has Rachel just gone past?”
Before he’s finished the sentence I am asking “Why, is the fecking bad twin in there!?!?”

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A little explanation may be needed here…..
My Ex girlfriend, Rachel (of over 3 years ago now!!) was a twin.
Her sister is literally clinically and sometimes violently insane…..Rubber walls, happy pills, voices in her head……the works!
It should give you some idea about my Ex when we call *her* “The Bad Twin”.
On my last encounter with her, I literally had my shirt ripped off me in the middle of a nightclub whilst being verbally bombarded.

Oh and not to mention the fact that she ended up in court after assaulting my poor mother…..
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Anyway, LJ soon cleared up the potential situation up by explaining that he was talking about out friend Rachel the bar maid, and so we have a joke along the lines of “Thank feck it wasn’t the bad twin you were on about” etc…..

It was At this point I actually remember mentally stopping and thinking…..”I should know better than to tempt fate like that!” (She’s like Beetlejuice…..say her name 3 times and she appears!)

So we do a couple more bars and we end up outside Bentleys.
We’re waiting for the troops to gather ready to move onto the next bar.
All of a sudden I have a shiver down my spine, give a quick shudder and feel the goose bumps rise all over my body (my spidey sense kicking in!) and I look up to see “The Bad Twin” stood a few feet in front of me giving me a stare that would have frozen Medusa herself to the spot.

So she starts giving me a bit of verbal, graciously informing me (and the rest of Lancaster) of her opinions as to just how much of a tw*t I am etc.
In one ear and out the other…..The days of trying to listen to her are long gone.

So after she slows down to draw a breath, we hastily make like a tree and get out of there and hit a few more bars.
We end up in the Lounge and we’re stood against the wall near where the door to the stairs is.
I have my back to the front door but as I’m sipping away on my drink I notice a familiar shape in the mirror, just walking in the door.

I focus and see that it is indeed “The Bad Twin” making an entrance. A quick word to LJ and he’s stood in between me and the direction she is coming from giving me some much needed cover.

I literally close my eyes and hold my breath as she floats past us……If I can’t see her, then she can’t see me right?

Seconds after that I chin my drink and inform the lads “Reet I’m getting the feck outta here”….
As the lounge isn’t the biggest of places and it would only be a matter of time until we’d come face to face.

Anyway…..one good thing came out of the whole situation…..

With leaving early, I Was in plenty of time to go get a KFC!  Every cloud and all that…..

~I’d been thinking about tucking into a KFC since the night before when a certain individual must have bought all the chicken in the shop as there was none left when i turned up!! 

Anyway, without being modest……I know I am good, and that she must still be stinging from losing me  ……but 3 years is surely enough time to move on isn’t it?
Saying that, I have been googling the phrase “How do I apply for a Restraining order” for the last hour……