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Warning: Consumption Of Alcohol May…..

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Alcohol manufacturers have accepted the Government’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in acting like aw@nker.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Ninja powers.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you and not at you.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
  • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

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