Drinking Quotes

"An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks more than you do."
~Dylan Thomas.

"I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver."
~Phil Harris

"I drink therefore I am."
~WC Fields.

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
~Dave Barry.

"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol."
~NF Simpson.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~Benjamin Franklin.

"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy."
~Fred Allen.

"They who drink beer will think beer."
~Washington Irving.

"I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop."
~Noel Coward.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~Henny Youngman.

"I drink to make other people interesting."
~George Jean Nathan.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~Dave Barry.

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
~Joe E Lewis.

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
~Humprey Bogart.

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
~Ernest Hemmingway.

"He was a wise man who invented beer."
~Plato.

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
~Oscar Wilde.

"Actually it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."
~George Burns

"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go for a week without a drink."
~Joe E Lewis

"I got so wasted one night I waited for the Stop sign to change, and it did."
~Steve Krabitz

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
~George Best.

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
~Homer Simpson.

"A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her."
~WC Fields

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."
~Dean Martin.

"The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings."
~Arthur Lewis.

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
~Rodney Dangerfield.

"Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold."
~Jerry Vale

"I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."
~Robert Benchley.

"There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation."
~John Ciandi